It’s two days before I turn twenty-three. On that day, I’ll go about my normal Saturdays.
I’ll go to school, do my oral presentation, fake a smile, assume that I’m overly smart for my classes and then go home motivated to work on the assigned tasks. This motivation will just be drained comes Monday to Friday so yeah what the hell.
I don’t know how significant it is to turn 23. Every year I take a vow to be better in all my endeavors. Wow. Last year I said I will conquer the world. So as I sit in my cubbyhole here in this beautiful city, I begin to assess my 22nd year on Earth.
Year 22 findings:
1. I abused my privileges as the youngest child. Well yeah, I got myself a job but I ended up asking my mother for dough. Turns out this child still runs to mommy when she gets some booboo. Crap. But I claim to be protected by BIRTHRIGHT. Haha.
2. I grew physically weak. Chronic sinusitis leading to asthma. Acute bronchitis. Rhinitis. Reading focus like a 30 year old adult, hence the eyeglasses. Floppy arms, more visible stretch marks, fizzed hair, divulging stomach, chipped front tooth.
3. I got myself a boyfriend. His scent is all over this blog so sniff it off bitches if you don’t believe me.
4. I rocked at teaching but I sucked at loving it. Please insert “I think” at the beginning of the previous sentence and “definitely” right after the coordinating/subordinating conjunction still in the previous sentence. Oh I hope you know what a conjunction is. Otherwise, get outta here.
6. I despised humorless earthlings. The world is already cruel so why do I have to sit among cruelly serious people. I like people who laugh with me because they are funny and they appreciate my efforts of being funny. C’mon, nobody wants to be around party poopers.
7. I owned four lady blouses. My closet spits out skirts, dresses, and the like.
8. I finally was able to own a hairbrush. I was gonna say I bought it but it’s a sin to lie. I saw it at Rustan’s Supermarket near the shampoo area and filched it.
9. I lied for fun. I didn’t steal the goddamn brush. I put it on the grocery basket without my sister’s permission. She paid for it still.
10. I managed to still be a hardass spoiled brat.
12. I hated rhetorical questions. I cannot detect them. I assume that every question is open-ended.
13. Facebook became my social life. It’s the most convenient means of attending a reunion and getting updated. Everybody’s telling everybody what they had for lunch. Yay!
14. I still haven’t figured out my topic for my research proposal. I can blame my college education for the failure in creating a research-oriented graduate. All I learned from my professor were theories she listed in handouts which I could’ve crafted better. I lack the skills and so it’s hellish to be clueless now.
15. I procrastinated and got nothing done then I ranted unceasingly.
16. I devalued my money by not nobly spending my noble salary from my noble job.
So now I wonder, what’s innit for me when I turn 23?